"Sure... yeah. I do. Shovel."

There is a particularly beautiful girl walking down the street, ear buds in, on her phone, oblivious.

I am following in The White Van With No Windows In The Back, casual, just observing her beauty in the Illusion of Innocence, when I notice there is another White Van directly behind me, doing the same thing.

This is a major breach of Stalker Protocol: you do not try to poach someone else's find. It Just Isn't Done.

He is hoping I will lose my Nerve, that she will take notice of me and I will then turn down a side street like THAT is where I was intending to go, Honest. He is Testing Me: the Girl turns a corner, I turn the corner, he turns the corner.

We come to a Red Light, and I put the Van in Park, get out, and go to his driver-side window, tap the glass.

"You're making a Mistake," I tell him as he rolls down the window.

"I have every right to follow that girl as you do."

"You're an amateur -- I can smell it on you."

"I ain't no rookie," he says, as beads of sweat begin to form on his forehead.

"I bet the license plates on your van are actually your real plates."

"What?"

"Your real plates, connected to your name and home address. You didn't even bother to swap out the plates before you started touring."

"Uh..."

"Do you have a shovel in the back?"

"Sure... yeah. I do. Shovel."

"No you don't. You're not ready, my friend: you're Not Ready."

"Maybe I need to rethink a few things."

"That would be a good start. I'll even give you a piece of advice."

"Yeah?"

"Practice tying the rope in knots. You're never as good tying knots in the Heat of the Moment as you think you are."

"Okay..."

"We understand each other."

"Yeah. I understand."

"Good," I say. "I am going to have to slash one of your tires, though. There always have to be Consequences."

"But I don't have a spare tire."

"You really aren't ready, are you?" I say, shaking my head.

I make note of his license plate number -- it may be helpful one day -- and I get back in the Van. The Girl is Gone. It happens. Plenty of Fish in the Sea, etc etc.

I head out to a Starbucks a few blocks away. It is always good to check out a barista or two. You never know.

I am Laslo.