Tuesday, July 18, 2017

"Well, it is designed as the "(Hit Me) Baby One More Time" model."

"Thank you for calling Sensual Technologies, how may I help you?"

"Yeah: I called you yesterday -- I'm the guy who broke the ass of my Jennifer Aniston model."

"Yes, I remember, The Jennifer Aniston model does not do anal."

"So I learned. Anyway, I was trying to fuck her from behind -- you know, in the vagina...

"Yes, sir..."

"...but she's defective that way, too -- her knees won't bend."

"I'm afraid they don't, sir. Jennifer Aniston's licensing agreement is that her dolls will not do doggy-style."

"What the fuck?"

"I'm afraid that is Ms. Aniston's wishes. She is a 'missionary-position-only' doll."

"Missionary-position-only? What kind of sex doll is this?"

"She doesn't do oral sex, either: Ms. Aniston was quite specific in her doll's characteristics."

"So you're saying my Jennifer Aniston sex doll is some kind of stuck-up prude?"

"We only make the dolls, sir. Also, make sure and wear a condom when having relations with your Jennifer Aniston doll."

"A condom? Are you serious?"

"I am quite serious, sir. Ms. Aniston did not want men ejaculating inside her: as such, she doesn't have a semen reservoir tank. Ejaculation inside her will void the warranty."

"But I thought I already voided the warranty when I tried to fuck her in the ass."

"Good point. At this juncture, I believe the warranty is moot."

"Well, what about blowjobs?"

"I'm afraid there is no oral entry in the Jennifer Aniston model, sir."

"So let me get this straight: my Jennifer Aniston sex doll will only do missionary-position sex with me wearing a condom."

"That IS how she is designed, sir. It could be worse: the Britney Spears model only does hand jobs."

"You're kidding. Who would buy THAT?"

"Well, it is designed as the "(Hit Me) Baby One More Time" model."


"You know: the Catholic schoolgirl uniform, with the bare midriff?"

"OK, that was kinda hot, I guess..."

"Well, sir, she was sixteen at the time."

"Uh... isn't that illegal or something?"

"That seems to be a gray area, legally, with sex dolls."

"But she only does hand-jobs, right?"

"Well, I guess you could also engage in frottage."

"Frottage? What is frottage?"

"Well, with frottage you could, say, rub up against her buttocks in a stimulating manner."

"Oh, I get it: like I do to chicks on the bus, sometimes."


"I'm going to have to think about that one..."

"Well, give us a call sir if we can further assist you in any of your sex doll needs..."

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