My Neo-Nazi Girlfriend who Is Not My Girlfriend and I are at Denny's, and -- as usual -- she is massaging my balls under the table with her feet -- when she asks me if I ever view pornography. I am not saved by the sudden appearance of a waitress bearing pancakes, so I answer:
"I've seen some, yeah."
"Some?"
"Some."
"Well, have you ever watched interracial porn?"
"I don't know, I --"
"--Surely you would remember if you saw a tiny white woman being pounded by a massive black man with a massive black dick. Or a white man eating some black girl's pussy."
"I'm just not into that," I say, silently urging on the arrival of pancakes, damn it.
"Why not?" she asks, her feet becoming more insistent under the table.
"I don't know, I guess I just like..."
"You just like..."
"...I like watching white women have sex. No real reason."
"Don't you think that's a bit racist?"
"No, it just works out that way, that's all. For me."
"Me, I don't mind watching a tiny white woman being pounded by a massive black man with a massive black dick."
"Okay..."
"No facials, though: a black man shouldn't come on a white girl's face."
"Okay..."
"It is just a matter of People knowing their place in things, that's all."
"I don't know if I can agree to that..."
"You're the one who won't even watch black people in porn. It is funny: the people who say they aren't racist seem to be the most racist. Sometimes."
NOW the pancakes come. The Pancake God has tired of toying with me. A bit late, that.
After we eat we head back to her place and have sex. She asks me to Talk Black so I say:
"Bitch, I'm gonna have your azz, real hard."
"Louder!"
"BITCH, I'M GONNA HAVE YOUR AZZ, REAL HARD!"
She tells me that my 'Black' is getting better.
I am Laslo.
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