Saturday, June 6, 2015

We are in the missionary position, by the way: maybe that detail matters, maybe it doesn't.


So the Neo-Nazi Girlfriend who Is Not My Girlfriend and I go back to her place after visiting her mother again -- I know, I shouldn't be doing that,  but the fresh-baked cookies are terrific -- and we are having sex on her futon when she says:

"Talk to me like a Black Man!"

I pause for a moment, dumbfounded.We are in the missionary position, by the way: maybe that detail matters, maybe it doesn't.

"What?"

"Talk to me like a Black Man!"

"I'm not sure what that means," I say.

"Call me your bitch, call me your ho!" she replies; her breasts are stupendous -- have I mentioned that?

"I don't think I can do that."

"Tell me: Bitch, I'm gonna fuck yo white azz!"

"I'm not really sure Black Men all talk that way..."

"Go 'Whoop! Whoop'! Tell me yo gonna get jiggy wit it!"

"I don't think even Will Smith says 'jiggy' anymore..."

"Pull out the jammy, and kill the punanny!"

"Huh?"

"Make yo dick run deep, so deep, so deep it puts my ass to sleep!"

A-ha. I realize she is quoting Ice Cube, which makes it official: "It Was a Good Day" is the rap song even Neo-Nazis can love. What can I do? So I say:

"Bitch, I'm gonna fuck yo white azz!" and she squeals in delight and we proceed to anal.

I realize she is a neo-Nazi and all, but Today WAS a Good Day.


I am Laslo.



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