"No...I don't think I want to be ass-fucked by Trouble..."

I am leaving the apartment of the Neo-Nazi Girlfriend who Is Not My Girlfriend -- after the obligatory after-Denny's sex -- when I again run into her downstairs roommate,  F-Ready.

"I was just thinking," F-Ready says, eating a Twizzler.

"Yeah?"

"Do you own a gun?"

"No..."

"Because I think you need to own a gun."

"I think I'm OK..."

"Bro, ALL white men should have a gun," he says sharply, swigging from his can of Steel Reserve. "For when the shit goes down. For instance: what happens if your girl needs protecting?"

"Protecting?"

"Protecting, Bro. Doesn't have to be from only Black Men, you know. Though they DO want her ass. But there are Asians, Mexicans: a lot of trouble out there for a blonde blue-eyed white woman. Even dumb punk-ass white boys."

"Dumb punk-ass white boys," I repeat.

"Thinking they all gangsta and shit. What are you going to do, tell them to stop? Ask for them to wait a minute while you call the cops?"

"I think it might be easier to just avoid trouble in the first place..."

"Avoid trouble? You don't avoid trouble, trouble has a hard-on for YOU. Trouble will fuck you in the ass, Bro."

"OK..."

"Do you want to be ass-fucked by Trouble?"

"No...I don't think I want to be ass-fucked by Trouble..."

"Then you need a gun. I can get you one."

"That's awfully nice of you..."

"Nice ain't shit, bro. If any harm came to Our Girl and I found out that you just let it go down..."

"That wouldn't be good..."

"You don't want to be sitting at home hoping someone finds your balls and are kind enough to mail them back to you..."

"My balls?"

"That wouldn't be the worst of it, believe me."

"I believe you."

"Glad that. Now how about you and me head down to the Seven-Eleven and get more Steel Reserve and Twizzlers."

"Because Red Vines are for pussies."

"See? You're getting it..."

I am Laslo.

http://althouse.blogspot.com/2015/06/friend-will-you-come-shooting-with-me.html