I had returned to that NYC establishment a few days later, and there again was Mia, at the same seat in the bar. She was nodding and saying "Yes, yes," to a conversation only she could here.
I sat next to her, ordered my drink, then said "It's good to see you again, Mia."
"You. I remember you. You're that guy who kept asking me if Frank Sinatra ever fucked me in the ass."
"Well, sort of..."
"Did you know that Woody Allen took photographs of my naked asshole?"
"No, no I didn't..." I said, sipping my drink.
Mia lit a cigarette, then continued.
"Well he did. Woody would take photographs of my naked asshole in black-and-white, and he called it 'Art'."
"That doesn't seem right..."
"He had taken photographs of Dianne Keaton's naked asshole, too: he showed them to me."
I nodded.
"Fucking 'Art'. You know what they looked like?"
"Hmmm?
"They looked like naked assholes, that's what they looked like."
"That figures..."
"You know his movie "Stardust Memories"?
"Can't say I remember that one."
"It was after he decided to stop being funny," she said, lighting another cigarette while the previous one was still going in the ashtray. "Anyway, he had Sharon Stone play a small role in it. You know why he had Sharon Stone play a small role in it?"
"Well..."
"He had Sharon Stone play a small role in it because he wanted to take photographs of Sharon Stone's naked asshole. And he did, too."
"It sounds like he has issues..."
"You know what Sharon Stone's naked asshole looks like?"
"No..."
"It looks like an asshole, that's what it looks like."
"Okay..."
"When I read about some actress trying out for a role in a Woody film I call them and warn them: he just wants to take pictures of your naked asshole."
"Do they believe you?"
"No. No they don't. And then they are just one more nude asshole picture in Woody's portfolio under the bed."
Thankfully, Mia's limousine arrives, and she stands, totters, then heads to the door.
"Frank Sinatra never did shit like that, I'll tell you that..." she said, muttering to herself as she left into the night...
I am Laslo.
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