"Hey! Hey! Bass-player-from-'Poison'-dude! Do you remember me?"
"Uh..."
"1988! The Tacoma Dome!"
"Okay..."
"I'm looking forward to seeing you tonight -- I drove all the way from Puyallup!"
"That's great, great..."
I bet you like playing these smaller clubs now, you can get closer to the fans..."
"Yeah. Yeah, closer to the fans: exactly."
"Still though: 1988 -- the Tacoma Dome! Big Time!"
"Yeah."
"You don't remember me, do you?"
"Sure I do, sure I do: its -- ah -- just been awhile, you know...a lot of drugs back then: my memory... (shrugs)"
"Well, I was the one backstage wearing stone-washed jeans and a tour shirt and you blew a load all over my face!"
"Ah. Great memory, there.."
"I still have the shirt! I never washed it!"
"Never washed it?"
"Never! In fact, I'm wearing it now!"
"Okay..."
"Those were great times..."
" Great times, sure. 1988, right? I think I remember now..."
"Yeah! You laughed 'cause some of your jizz got in my eye and it REALLY stung!"
"I'm sorry about that, I'm sure I didn't mean it..."
"Sure you did! You said "Open your eyes real wide, bitch, I'm gonna shoot my spunk in them!"
"You remember that?
"Word for word! It is SO exciting to see you again!"
"Uh...good to see you. Glad your eyes are okay."
"They're fine, I just need to use eye-drops when I get an outbreak. Anyway: you know, there is some time before the show tonight..."
"Yeah, I use it to play 'Candy Crush.'"
"Well: I was thinking, you know..."
"'...Hmmm?"
"Yeah: maybe we could relive a little bit of that Eighties magic."
"Uh, that would be swell, but I, uh, have a sound-check, I think..."
"I even brought Visine!"
"That was a long time ago..."
"But here we are, NOW..."
""Uh, don't get me wrong, but you're like, what, fifty?"
"Forty-six."
"Close enough. Don't you think it's time to, you know, move on?"
"I'm having the time of my life! Last week I saw "Winger" and the drummer put a cucumber up my ass! AND he gave me a drumstick!"
"Wow: I didn't know 'Winger' was still around..."
You're only as old as you feel -- that's what I tell my daughters!"
"Daughters?"
"I have two wonderful daughters, and they're coming to the show tonight with me."
"Are they anywhere around?"
"They'll be here any minute -- they just got off work at Hooters and are at Victoria's Secret looking for thongs for tonight!"
"Really? Hooters?"
"Really! Hooters!"
"Tell, you what: how about I give the THREE of you backstage passes. For old-times' sake."
"That would be wonderful, Bass-player-from-'Poison'-dude!"
"Uh, what are you doing with your eyes?"
"Just keeping my eyelids flexible so I don't flinch..."
I am Laslo.
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