Socially Awkward Guy Who Makes No Eye Contact says:
Lately I have been tormented by thoughts of sneaking into women’s homes at night and peeing on them as they slept. I’d wear dark clothing with a ski mask, and the Police would call me the Peeing Bandit, even though I would never steal anything, stealing is wrong, I would just pee on them…
As the Peeing Bandit I would hide my footprints by wearing shoes that are too small: the Police would be looking for someone even smaller than me, like a junior high school kid or something…
There would be that moment where I was standing over the bed, peeing, and the women would wake up, disoriented. The problem is that once you start peeing you gotta keep peeing until the peeing is done, which would leave you vulnerable if she awoke angry and you still had a lot of pee to go…
The newspapers would print sketches of what I looked like, but the rooms would be dark and I’m wearing a ski mask, so there wouldn’t be much to the drawings: just a dude in a ski mask, really. Maybe I should wear sunglasses, too, but I already have enough problems seeing well at night, I didn’t get a lot of vitamins when I was a kid…
Maybe they can do DNA from pee, I don’t know, but I don’t want to look it up on my computer, they spy on those things and in court they would show my Google Search history: I’ve already asked Google too many incriminating things already. And then there are the pee videos on my thumb drive…
Thoughts like this keep me from actually being the pee bandit: that, and I have no idea how to break into a home quietly. I’d just have to keep checking for unlocked doors, and that could take all night…
Like no one else thinks these things.
I hope the Girl with the Blue Hair is working at McDonalds today.
I am Laslo.
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