Friday, December 9, 2016

“The models can’t even open their eyes, there is so much milkshake!”

At the Ad Agency…

“So what is the difference between your concept and the ad we currently are running?”

“It’s entirely different. We get FOUR beautiful female models suggestively holding the burger.”

“That’s not different, that’s just an extra pair of tits. How about if they were holding hot dogs? We could definitely do something with that.”

“Our client doesn’t sell hot dogs.”

“Now that’s a shame: we could’ve made a really good ad with that. Because hot dogs make people think of cocks.”

“Bananas do that too. Do they make banana milkshakes?”

“Sadly, no. But I think you’re on to something: how about the models slowly drink vanilla milkshakes, and at the end of the commercial they have milkshake all over their lips, which they then lick with their tongues.”

“Like they just gave a blow-job?”

“EXACTLY like they just gave a blow-job.”

“I think we need to take this further. What if we have a guy —“

“What kind of guy? Construction Guy? Hipster?”

“—Construction Guy, obviously. We’re not selling this shit to Hipsters, they go for that Gay Fruit Smoothies shit.”

“Of course.”

“So the Construction Guy POURS the milkshake over the models’ lips: he’s got enough milkshake for FOUR girls, if you get what I’m saying.”

“Oh, I get it. But what if we take it one step further?

“Further is always better: what do you have in mind?”

“We have a LINE of Construction Workers, all pouring their milkshakes over the models’ lips and faces! It just keeps coming and coming!”

“Milkshake Bukkake? Genius!”

“The models can’t even open their eyes, there is so much milkshake!”

“The models are in bras, and the milkshake drips down onto their tits!”


“Yes? You have a problem?”

“Should we run this by Carol? You know — get a women’s perspective?”

“Ahhh, Carol’s busy on some Sports Tampon project, let’s just go with it…”

“Yeah. Besides, women don’t buy our client’s products, their boyfriends do.”

“Indeed. We have one last hurdle, though.”

“What is that?”

“How diverse do we make the Construction Workers?”

“I hadn’t thought of that.”

“Yeah. Do we really want a big strong black guy pouring his milkshake all over a white model’s face?”

“I kinda think we have to. We don’t want to get called racist.”

“Okay, ONE black man — but no Asians.”

“DEFINITELY no Asians. Our client’s customers are not going to want to see a Chinese Guy pouring his milkshake on a white women — they’re already pissed at the Chinese for taking all their jobs.”

“I think we have a commercial, gentlemen…”

I am Laslo.

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