Trouble on the Set…
“This line, it doesn’t work. What if I said ‘I’d rather be ass-raped by a Norwegian’ instead?”
“Sure, Emma, that’s funny. But I don’t think that’s something your character would actually say.”
“What do you mean? I’ve spent a lot of effort on my character’s back-story. She has a fear of Norwegians stemming from an unfortunate lutefisk incident in her youth.”
‘That’s good, Emma, that’s good, but I don’t think the audience will get that connection. It sounds more like something your co-star Derek would say.”
“Derek? Really?”
“Yes, Emma. I think most people don’t find women getting ass-raped funny, but a man getting ass-raped: THAT’S comedy.”
“But Derek doesn’t fear Norwegians. It makes no sense.”
“Yeah, we might have to change the line a bit. Maybe ‘I’d rather be ass-raped by a rodeo clown.’ He DOES play a rodeo rider.”
“So you’re giving my line to Derek?”
“It’s just a line, Emma. And I think I’m going to change ‘ass-raped’ to ‘butt-raped’: I think that’s funnier. ‘Butt-rape’ sounds less threatening than ‘ass-rape’.”
“Okay: so what if after Derek says ‘he’d rather be butt-raped by a rodeo clown’ I then say “Can I watch you get butt-raped by the rodeo clown?”
“THAT’S funny, Emma. But that sounds more like something your slutty friend Beth would say. I see Beth saying that.”
“Beth? Really?”
“Yeah. And I think it would work better for Beth just to say “Can I watch?” Quicker and to the point.”
“I hesitate to make this about being a woman, but I feel you are taking my lines away from me.”
“Emma, a funny line is funniest when it is said by the right character. We are all a team here.”
“Okay, okay: I’ll be team player.”
“Good, Emma, good! Now this next scene is the one where you are topless…”
I am Laslo.
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