Dude with Seven Restraining Orders says…
I once spent Christmas in jail.
I had an old girlfriend where things went kinda crazy at the end. Actually, most of my relationships ended this way, but this girl never pulled a gun on me or caused a scene at Denny’s that required the Police, so I still had warm feelings…
So it was Christmas Eve: I had the Holiday Spirit and was drunk on Holiday Feelings, and, well, drunk pretty much the normal alcoholic way, too, so I thought maybe I could surprise her and we could kick it over some Hennessy's, maybe I could come down her chimney. That was an anal sex joke, in case you didn’t get it, I’m funny like that…
Well, I went over to the ex-girlfriend's apartment that Christmas Eve and said — Ha Ha — I was The Ghost of Boyfriends Past, but she didn't find it funny. Me, I thought it was funny: I think SHE was just being a bitch, really. Made me kinda remember why I got rid of her in the first place — I mean, after she had her lawyer dump me…
As I stood there she tried to close the door on me, but I got my foot in and stopped it. Then, when I forced my way in, I see she's wearing a sexy Santa’s Helper outfit: you know, the pushed-up tits and the red panties that climb up the ass cheeks, and I’m thinking, boy, have I got a candy cane for HER…
Then I see she’s got a boyfriend in there. Real limp dude, he’s saying I should just leave, now, but I start laughing because his voice is breaking like a bitch. Who’s the Elf? I ask her, but she is telling me to leave, too. I notice that there are packages of condoms on the coffee table, and I’m thinking Shit, she makes the guys were those damn things now. Except then I remember that I might have given her herpes, so maybe she’s a bit cautious: sounds like the cow has already left that barn, if you ask me…
Anyway, it turns out the neighbors called the cops, and the Police arrive and put me in handcuffs, and I end up spending Christmas Eve and Christmas in jail. It is so unfair that it should be illegal: can I help it if most of my friends are deadbeats that can’t afford to post bail…?
Then there was the time on New Year’s Eve, but maybe I’ll tell you that story later…
And, yes, I did put a pubic hair on that one girl's Starbucks cup, but the person who says they saw me do it is lying...
I am Laslo.
I once spent Christmas in jail.
I had an old girlfriend where things went kinda crazy at the end. Actually, most of my relationships ended this way, but this girl never pulled a gun on me or caused a scene at Denny’s that required the Police, so I still had warm feelings…
So it was Christmas Eve: I had the Holiday Spirit and was drunk on Holiday Feelings, and, well, drunk pretty much the normal alcoholic way, too, so I thought maybe I could surprise her and we could kick it over some Hennessy's, maybe I could come down her chimney. That was an anal sex joke, in case you didn’t get it, I’m funny like that…
Well, I went over to the ex-girlfriend's apartment that Christmas Eve and said — Ha Ha — I was The Ghost of Boyfriends Past, but she didn't find it funny. Me, I thought it was funny: I think SHE was just being a bitch, really. Made me kinda remember why I got rid of her in the first place — I mean, after she had her lawyer dump me…
As I stood there she tried to close the door on me, but I got my foot in and stopped it. Then, when I forced my way in, I see she's wearing a sexy Santa’s Helper outfit: you know, the pushed-up tits and the red panties that climb up the ass cheeks, and I’m thinking, boy, have I got a candy cane for HER…
Then I see she’s got a boyfriend in there. Real limp dude, he’s saying I should just leave, now, but I start laughing because his voice is breaking like a bitch. Who’s the Elf? I ask her, but she is telling me to leave, too. I notice that there are packages of condoms on the coffee table, and I’m thinking Shit, she makes the guys were those damn things now. Except then I remember that I might have given her herpes, so maybe she’s a bit cautious: sounds like the cow has already left that barn, if you ask me…
Anyway, it turns out the neighbors called the cops, and the Police arrive and put me in handcuffs, and I end up spending Christmas Eve and Christmas in jail. It is so unfair that it should be illegal: can I help it if most of my friends are deadbeats that can’t afford to post bail…?
Then there was the time on New Year’s Eve, but maybe I’ll tell you that story later…
And, yes, I did put a pubic hair on that one girl's Starbucks cup, but the person who says they saw me do it is lying...
I am Laslo.
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