Sketchy Guy Who Works at the Adult Bookstore says:
The well-groomed, gently befuddled man returned to the store this afternoon. Considering that most of the patrons here can’t even seem to wipe their own asses properly, he is pleasant to talk to with, a window into a previous world — a simpler world where celebrities didn’t routinely film their own sexual escapades on their iPhones…
“I want to see Shirley Jones fucking,” he said, looking me in the eye, “Not Hollywood shit, but real fucking.”
“Shirley Jones? The mother from “The Partridge Family”? I used to see reruns of that when I was a kid.”
“She was more than the mother from “The Partridge Family”: she was in “Oklahoma” and “The Music Man”. She played an angry whore in “Elmer Gantry.”
The mother from “The Partridge Family” as an angry whore? I’d like to see that.”
“And I’d like to see her sucking cock.”
“You know, I had kind of a crush on her when I was a kid. Something about her eyes.”
“Oh yeah. Her eyes showed that she knew certain things. She pretended to be wholesome, but those were bedroom eyes and those were cock-sucking lips.”
“When I was a kid I liked to fantasize that I was with her daughter from the show, and Shirley would walk in and join us.”
“Susan Dey was hot, I give you that, but even then she was too young for my tastes. I like my women gently seasoned.”
“Young women, they don’t know all the tricks, you know what I mean? At least back then,” he added, looking over the aisles of films of young girls being fucked by multiple men in multiple orifices, girls with rings through their vagina and tattoos on their asshole.
“You know when I knew I was getting old?” he asked.
“When all the women I had once wanted to fuck started showing up on “The Love Boat.”
“My great-aunt used to watch that show.”
“All the old stars would show up. Even Zsa Zsa. You seen any films of Zsa Zsa fucking yet?”
“Not yet, but I am keeping my eye out for you.”
“I appreciate that. Zsa Zsa was Hungarian. Those Hungarian girls like to get fucked in the ass, did you know that?”
“I think I heard that somewhere before.”
“When I was in the Army I fucked a Hungarian girl. She wanted it in the ass. First time I ever did it that way.”
“Proof, right there…”
“Everyone says it is the Italian girls that like to get fucked in the ass, but the Hungarian girls, they have the Italians beat.”
“It’s a Big World out there.”
“I dated an Italian girl after the Army. I would try to put it in her ass, but then she would start reciting the Rosary.”
“That probably killed the mood.”
“That and the crucifix above the headboard. I don’t want the Savior watching me when I’m conducting such business, you understand?”
“Sounds sensible to me…”
“You’ll keep an eye out for any films of Zsa Zsa fucking? For me?”
“I certainly will…”
Zsa Zsa was Hungarian. Those Hungarian girls like to get fucked in the ass, did you know that…?"
I am Laslo.