Thursday, February 16, 2017

“From this point on you will no longer make ANY eye contact with me. Ever.”

Tales of a Real Republican….

I was in the restroom of my Gentlemen’s Club, taking my ‘wide stance’ after the champagne and lobster, when I heard someone call my name.

“Ch**k?” they asked.

“Yes,” I answered, leaving the stall after two flushes. It still didn’t quite get all of it down, but that is why they hire Mexicans…

“I’m Steve.”

“And I give a fuck about you why?” I said. I admit it — I was frustrated: he saw me leave the stall after taking a shit, and so now I HAD to wash my hands. Appearances…

“I just want to say that I overheard you at your table, and I have the greatest respect for you. You are a REAL Republican.”

“Well, thank you,” I replied, drying my hands. “It can be lonely, you know — being a Real Republican nowadays.”

“I can only imagine,” he said, hanging on to my every word.

“Is there something I can do for you?” I asked, putting just the right edge of studied impatience on my voice: Tone is everything in conveying your proper place in Society.

“I don’t want to be a bother…”

“Just spit it out,” I said. Christ! I had people waiting on me: I left in the middle of telling the table my theory of the Secret White Guy who actually writes Clarence Thomas’ opinions for him…

“I just was wondering…” this Steve stammered. “Would you — a Real Republican — be willing to fuck me in the ass?”

Well: as a Real Republican you don’t have to ask ME twice!

“On one condition, Steve.”

“Sure! What is it?”

“From this point on you will no longer make ANY eye contact with me. Ever.”

“That’s funny!”

“Funny? What is funny about it?”

“It’s just that John Boehner said those exact same words to me before I sucked his cock.”

“It’s a ‘Real Republican’ thing,” I said, before fucking him in the ass, Real Republican-style. Meaning I kept my hands on my hips and my back straight so my tie wouldn't accidentally brush against his asshole....

After I shot my load up his ass I wiped my dick off on his shirt-tail and then went back to my table, just in time for sorbet.Sorbet after blowing my load in some bootlicker's ass: NOW I was ready to set some people straight...

I am Laslo.

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