Saturday, February 25, 2017

Obviously a film that captures the modern West. Or South. Or maybe South Mid-West...

Derek Vale, Reviewer of Films He Hasn't Seen...

It's that time of the year agin, my friends -- the Oscars! I can't help but feel the excitement, even though I haven't seen any of the films in contention. That said, here is my rundown of the Best Picture category, by looking at their posters...

"The Arrival." Space Aliens arrive on earth in a giant ship that looks like a potato bug. Since there are no reds and oranges used in the poster it is NOT a man vs. alien battle, so inevitably it is thought-provoking as it delves into man's existential existence in the universe. And speaking of 'existential', t stars Amy Adams, who is ALWAYS adorable...!

"La La Land". The two lead characters are dancing against a backdrop reminiscent of an idealized Forties musical: I can almost HEAR the soundtrack! And when I think of that soundtrack I haven't heard, and Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone, I figure it doesn't involve much Rap, otherwise there would be a black name in the credits....

"Fences." Speaking of Black Names! Denzel Washington AND Viola Davis! And from the poster they look like authentic poor old black folk, with a strong sense of decency and wisdom. I would expect nothing less from Denzel, unless he held a gun in the poster. And it had res and oranges...

"Hell or High Water." The poster image evokes dusty prairie, and the close-up of Jeff Bridges makes him seem dusty, too. Obviously a film that captures the modern West. Or South. Or maybe South Mid-West...

"Lion".  There are photos of two stars in profile that I don't recognize, a sign that the film suffers from miscasting. There is also a photo of an adult and child walking hand-in-hand on an old railroad tracks, so there is probably something about the passage of time; with actors I recognize I might actually care to know more, if not actually see it...

"Manchester By The Sea." A young couple at the water's edge, with blurry seagulls around them. Again: I don't recognize the actors, but I think they are British in this one, so they are no doubt playing people with a bleak future ahead of them, in that bleak British film way...

"Hacksaw Ridge." A war film with a soldier dramatically carrying a wounded soldier on his back. The soldier has VERY white teeth in the otherwise grimy poster, so I don't know what to think -- his uniform doesn't LOOK like that of. Nazi. Nazis in movies usually have good teeth, unless they are portrayed by British actors...

"Fences" Three black women dressed in sixties-era clothing stride across a NASA logo, and there is a rocket blasting off in the back; maybe they are maids for astronauts' families or something. This film feels uplifting, because rockets, and empowering, because black women. This might give Denzel and Viola some competition for the gold statue...!

"Moonlight" A close-up of a young dark-skinned black man in solemn lighting, with a slash of purple-red separating his face into three pieces. Upon closer look, however, it seems these are three different actors, although they are all black and it may just be two actors with one being shown twice, it's hard to tell. It is also hard to tell what this movie might be about, but I bet it involves Emotional Struggle....

As for who will win? I would normally give it to a gritty Denzel and Viola, but I think the uplifting three black maids may siphon off some of their votes. But this year there are THREE black movies, so that leaves the emotionally riveting tour-de-force "Moonlight" to take home the prize it so richly deserves...



I am Laslo.


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