Friday, February 10, 2017

I’ve seen some up close to my face, I know what they fucking look like…

The Girl at Starbucks That Hates You:

Today at work sucked. I mean, most days here suck, but today sucked balls…

I had a customer who ordered a soy Venti latte, and he gave me the “I picture you sucking my cock’ look. Big deal: it happens. I asked him for his name, and he said “D.B.” so I wrote it on the cup and kept moving. A few minutes later, I hear a loud voice complaining: it turns out that it is this same dude, and he’s saying that I drew a penis on his cup. What the fuck…?

I wrote ‘db’ lowercase because I write everything in lowercase, it’s just what I do. Well, he thinks my ‘db’ is not “D.B.” but a picture of a cock and balls. Really, dude? Who has the time to see this shit? I mean, do you see the face of Jesus on your fucking Doritos…?

So now my manager is showing me the cup, asking me what I wrote, and the dude has this smarmy bitch-face thing going on: I point out that — look —  it’s ‘db’, it’s NOT a drawing of a cock and balls. Shit: if I wanted to draw a cock and balls I could draw a damn better picture of a cock and balls. I’ve seen some up close to my face, I know what they fucking look like…

My manager finally gives the guy a gift card and he leaves, smiling his smarmy bitch-face smile. Now my manager is telling me condescendingly that drawing genitalia on a customer’s cup is VERY inappropriate, like somehow I don’t fucking get that. Fine: I’ll write all names in CAPITAL LETTERS FROM NOW ON. BECAUSE PEOPLE SUCK. PEOPLE SUCK BALLS.

I am Laslo.

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