Wednesday, February 1, 2017

“It’s just something I heard around, like, Minnesota, I think.”

Whores Who Have Serviced Al Franken (Excerpts):

Denise, age 24.

I gotta admit, I didn’t know what an Al Franken was. I looked him up on Wiki and saw that he used to be on Saturday Night Live back when it had all those old people on it. I’m so glad I was born in the Nineties and people had to be good-looking to be on TV…

I show up at his hotel room, and he welcomes me in while trying to make a joke. Something about whether it was still a ‘Call Girl” if you only Texted. Ha Ha. Old white people and their jokes, shit…

He tells me that — uh — I don’t really look like Melania. Yeah, that. I tell him that when someone asks for a girl who looks like the First Lady they still send me as Michelle Obama. They gotta update that, though there weren’t really many of those calls, anyway, and the guys that DID want her always wanted to be fucked in the ass by a strap-on-cock. Again: white people…

So I ask him what he wants, and he starts stammering, but he does start to take off his clothes. Fuck, the dude is pasty! Then he says “I am a Celebrity. I normally can get any girl I want, but this is easier.”

Sure, dude. Fuck, in his best Hollywood days he probably could only fuck chicks that played the Fat Girl in Eighties movies. And then only if he had cocaine to share…

I ask what he wants, but he starts to act even more nervous: I don’t know if his cock is smaller than it is soft, or softer than it is small…

“I…uh…never fucked an African-American before,” he says, staring down at the carpet.

“There’s a first time for everything, honey,” I say.

“Uh…being black: does your pussy, like, smell funny?”

“What the fuck do you mean by that?” I say.

“It’s just something I heard around, like, Minnesota, I think.”

“Well, you in D.C. now,” I say: “It’s about time you stuck your taffy in some chocolate.”

He stammers some more, and I realize he ain’t ever gonna get it up tonight: some white people are so afraid of blacks they can’t even do the simple shit like fucking…

“Maybe we could watch some TV, instead. I brought a DVD of my old clips from SNL…”

“How ‘bout I just call and get you a white girl,” I say.

“Uh…yeah. That would be nice,” he says, sitting on the edge of the bed, cleaning his glasses.

“Sure,” I say, packing my shit back in my bag and pulling out my iPhone.

“And could it be a white girl who looks really, really young?” He says. “It’s easier for me when they’re really young.”

Fucking old white people. I put in a call for Tabitha, the little blonde chick who looks like she’s twelve, when he asks:

“Can she bring, like, lollipops…?”

Oh yeah: I’m outta there…

I am Laslo.

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