Hillbillies on the Porch:
"Whacha whittling there, Deke?
"Well, I started tryin' to whittle me a spoon, but I think it's gonna be a chopstick instead."
"Don't you need two chopsticks to make it work with the Chinese Food?"
"Oh, I've whittled at least a dozen chopsticks over these last months. Seems like everything lately ends up being a Chopstick or a Snake."
"I just heard my cousin Dale is in jail now."
"What'd he do this time?"
"It wasn't his fault this time. He was participating in the pig-wrestling contest at the County Fair, like he always does."
"Did he win?"
"No, not this year. It seems he was a-wrestlin' the pig something fierce and everything was all slick and slidey…"
"Uh Oh. I think I know where this is going."
"Yep: his dick slid right out of his pants and into the pig's ass."
"I've heard about this kinda thing happening."
"Well, now it happened to Dale. The more he wrestled the more the pig clenched down on his dick. Finally had to beat him off with a stick, and now Dale is worried about his dick getting pig warts or some such. I told him people fuck pigs all the time, and they seem to be just fine."
"That IS a Bad day at the County Fair."
Afterward, the pig's owner said the pig was emotionally traumatized."
"How do you know when a pig is emotionally traumatized?"
"Maybe he's a Pig Whisperer, I don't know."
"That's some bad luck, there. Of all the ways your dick can slip out of your pants…"
"I know. Like that time I was at the Dairy Queen."
"That was a bad one, yeah. You don't want your dick hangin' out when you're around kids eating corn dogs."
"I sure found that out. They kept asking me where the stick was, Mister. So anyways, Dale got himself arrested because he wouldn't pay the farmer for the pig."
"How much did the farmer want?"
"Full Market price. Dale offered him twenty dollars, being that's how much he pays the girl in town for HER to ride his dick for five minutes, but the Police didn't see it his way."
"That's a shame."
"Would you eat bacon from a pig that someone fucked?"
"Well, I figure I probably already have. I've lived a lot of years, and there's a lot of pig-fuckers out there. Bound to have happened by now…"
"I bet you're right. At least they don't make bacon from the pig's asshole."
"That's why I'll eat bacon but I sure won't eat a hot dog…"
"Or Pork Rinds."
I am Laslo.