Tuesday, June 7, 2016

Let the White people know you are just Doing Your Job...

Mr. Jones, Diversity Seminar Instructor...

"Yeah, I know: no one wants to be in here on a Tuesday morning for Diversity Training: you got REAL Police Work to do -- I get it.

The problem is, in your Police Work you arrest too many minorities. I get this, too: you see a young black brother aimless on the streets and you think "what crimes has this guy committed?" I mean, you can practically smell it on him...

Now, you may indeed be right about his criminal activity, but you are wrong in how you are determining that: your Instinct doesn't fly anymore. This is where it gets tricky, friends. If you had hassled a half-dozen white boys first you could put that in your daily report: I hassled eight people today, one of which was black. And I arrested one of them, can't remember which...

Now this may seem a waste of time, but you gotta do what you gotta do, and that is: you gotta be hassling a LOT more White People. You see them everywhere -- go ahead and give them a quick pat-down, ask some questions. Now, you're not used to asking White People random questions, so here's a few to get started.

Start simple:

"Nice watch: you have a receipt for that?" 

"Nice jacket: let me guess -- it was a 'gift', right?"

"Nice car: you can afford a car like this? What, are you a Pimp?"

Then you can move to the good stuff:

"This woman you're with: is she one of your 'baby mamas'?"

"This woman you're with: is she one of your bitches?"

"This woman you're with: how much you get paid for her sucking cocks?"

And of course the tried-and-true:

"What are you doing in this neighborhood?"

See? This won't be that hard. Let the White people know you are just Doing Your Job...

I am Laslo.

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