Friday, June 10, 2016

"Lee Harvey my love, I don't do Greek*..."

"Jacqueline, I don't know if this is a good idea anymore."

"You love me, don't you Lee Harvey?"

"More than any non-Russian Capitalist woman I've ever met."

"So: how DO I measure up to your Russian girls, Lee?"

"I love that I can understand what you say in your wispy, wispy feathery voice."

"I've practiced in front of the mirror for YEARS."

"Yes. But your husband -- eventually he'll find out."

"My husband is busy fucking women while Teddy watches them in the pool. Teddy has a thing about women and water."


"Yes, Lee Harvey?"

"What if I was to shoot your husband?"

"Shoot my husband?"

"Yes. You two are coming to Dallas. He's going to drive right under the building I work."

"But Lee, they'll find you and capture you."

"No, no, my love. I will have suspicious patsies on the Grassy Knoll to take the blame."

"That's genius, Lee! Patsies!"

"I know! No one would believe that poor little Lee Harvey Oswald could pull off such a dastardly deed by himself!"

"Are you sure you can do it?"

"Of course! Sure, I might get nervous and miss the first shot or two, but I'll get him before he gets under the underpass. I was a Marine, remember?"

"Lee, I love you."

"I love you, Jackie."

"But please understand -- even if you kill my husband I will not have anal sex with you."

"Really? Even after I kill a President?"

"Lee Harvey my love, I don't do Greek*..."

*Greek, of course, being a phrase used to describe anal sex. And Jackie married a Greek Tycoon. Who undoubtably fucked the Wife of a Dead President in the ass. So that last line is really, really funny, if you think about it enough.

I am Laslo.

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