And I say "What do you mean?" although I know exactly what he means.

"Daddy Issue America": an Excerpt...

So Mom is passed out drunk upstairs and I am laying on the couch with Brad, watching Jimmy Fallon, when Brad says: "You know, if I were twenty years younger..."

And I say "What do you mean?" although I know exactly what he means.

So he says "You know."

And I say "No, reaaly, I don't" but of course I do.

So he says "If I was twenty years younger I'd be chasing YOU, not your Mother."

So I say "But twenty years ago I wasn't even born yet."

And he says "That's not what I meant." Duh.

So he says he has a little gift for me, but I can't tell my Mom, and I'm like -- sure, I like gifts.

So he gives me this little gold necklace, real chintzy, and it has the words "Jail Bait" in the middle. Classy, right?

I say "I don't know if I can wear this," but I already know I am going to wear it to school in the morning...

I am Laslo.