So he says: "It means something... different."

"Daddy Issue America": an Excerpt...

So Dave comes over whem Mom and Brad aren't home, and he says he needs to look in the house for his keys.

I say "Didn't you have your car keys to get here?"

And he says: "Uh, it's another set of keys."

Yeah, right, Dave.

So he pretends to look for these 'keys', but then he asks me -- all casual-like -- if I like "Belgian snowballs".

I say "I don't know, it doesn't snow around here."

And he says "I don't mean that kind of snow."

So I say: "I don't do drugs" which is a lie, but he doesn't need to know that, and I've never had any drug that someone called a 'Belgian snowball."

So he says: "It means something... different."

And I nod, cause now I know it is some Sex Thing. Now, Dave isn't exactly ugly, but he always smells like ass. So.

I say: "What do you mean?"

And he says: "I think you know what I mean."

And I say: "No -- really: I don't know what you mean."

And he says: "C'mon, I know you're a Naughty Girl: you know what I mean."

So I say: "I don't think my Mom would approve of this conversation."

And he says "Whoa! Whoa! I didn't mean anything by all this!"

So I turn around and bend over like I'm picking up something from the floor: I'm not really picking something from the floor, I just want to show him the ass he ain't gonna get...

I am Laslo.