"Farook, what is wrong?"
"American Women: that is what is wrong, Amir."
"I think your nose is broken..."
"I was at the bus stop by the Shawarma Place and started to grind the Syrian Sexy-Sexy against this Blonde American Woman -- you know how they ask for it in their Yoga pants --"
"Indeed! Indeed! Yoga Pants Buttocks are Irresistible! Was there Camel Toe?"
"There was Camel Toe indeed!! Anyway, she took out a can of pepper spray from her purse and sprayed my eyes!"
"Did she have big breasts?"
"What does that matter, Amir?"
"I am just trying to picture it better."
"Yes, Amir, she had big breasts -- very nice."
"Blonde, Yoga Pants, Camel Toe AND Big American Breasts -- how could you NOT grind against her?""
"Exactly, Farook! Then after the pepper spray she kicked me in the ball sack with her pointy devil shoe!"
"Horrible Woman! What color was this shoe?"
"Red."
"Red! I knew it! The Devil, indeed!"
"And after she kicked me in the ball sack a black man in a wheelchair punched me in the gut!"
"Not a lowly crippled black man! Was there no End to this Horror?"
"I tried to get away from the Infidels but they all surrounded me and beat me mercilessly. Then an elderly man hit me in the face with his cane: THAT is what broke my nose."
"Was he a Jew?"
"I don't know, Amir. Does it matter?"
"It's just that when you describe this I picture the old man with a cane as a Jew."
"He could have been, Amir. It was a very Jewish Thing he did."
"Uh, Farook, why do you smell of urine?"
"As I laid helpless and bleeding on the sidewalk a man in a dress peed on me."
"Just when you think things can't get worse..."
"I know! And he must have a huge bladder, because he kept peeing and peeing and peeing! I kept asking him to stop, but every time I opened my mouth he just peed in it!"
"Was the man in the dress pretty?"
"What? He was a MAN, Amir."
"I have seen some men in dresses that were very pretty, Farook. For a man, that is."
"Amir: Please tell me that you are not going to masturbate about this."
"Of course not, Farook."
"Thank you."
"Um... Farook?"
"Yes, Amir?"
"What color were the yoga pants?"
"I am Laslo.
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