"I just said that so they would send me to America. I was tired of shitting in buckets."

"Farook, I believe we are starting to forget our purpose..."

"How is that, Amir? Our 'LOL ISIS Cats' site is bigger than ever!"

"Last night was New Year's Eve: a big night for the Infidels, right?"

"Yes, Amir. They get drunk and have sex and vomit in the streets. It is deplorable."

"And did we blow anything up?"

"No..."

"What did we do, Farook?"

"We watched Infidel Porn and ate Shawarma."

"Exactly. We could have blown something up, but instead we watched Infidel Porn and ate Shawarma. We are losing our Purpose."

"It takes time to plan to blow something up, Amir. Bombs need to be made, we need to -- uh, plan, and, uh -- there are bombs that need to be made. Mainly."

"And have we been building those bombs, Farook?"

"It is against the rules of the apartment building, Amir."

"That should not stop us!"

"But it is a nice apartment, Amir. There is a refrigerator, and the toilet works. Do you remember the toilet in our place in Syria? The toilet NEVER worked."

"But -- thanks to Islam -- there were always women to command to empty the shit buckets."

"That is true, Amir. American women would never empty a man's shit bucket."

"Nor would they cleanse between our ass cheeks with water and rags. Here, what is there? Toilet paper?"

"I never understood how the Americans could waste such fine soft paper, just wiping their asses."

"So: we need to start building bombs, then."

"Do you know how to build bombs, Amir?"

"I'm here as a coordinator. I thought you were supposed to be the one who knew how to make bombs."

"I just said that so they would send me to America. I was tired of shitting in buckets."

"I'm starting to think you are not fully committed to our mission, Farook."

"Well, what exactly are YOU doing, Amir? You are a 'coordinator' -- what are you coordinating?"

I am making connections and coordinating them, I am coordinating connections. And connection-like stuff."

"In other words, you call the kebob place and order us Shawarma."

"And I called the Cable Company when we lost HBO."

"How about we plan to make plans to blow up New Year's Eve next year? I'll check out Facebook and learn how to build bombs."

"That is good, Farook! That is good!"

"But, for now: is it time for Shawarma, Amir?"

"It is a good time for Shawarma, Farook. I'll call..."

I am Laslo.