"It comes from the finest toilet paper artisan in all of France.":

"Philip, it disappoints me to say that I am disappointed in you."

"I fervently apologize, Monsieur Devereaux! Were the bath girls not splendid?"

"No, they were all splendid, equally splendid, Philip."

"Then what was wrong, Monsieur Devereaux?"

"The towels, Philip. The towels."

"What was unsatisfactory about the towels, sir?"

They were less than... luxurious."

"Oh my. I assure you, they were brand new towels, Monsieur Devereaux..."

"Philip, I am a man who appreciates a luxurious towel. These towels -- new though they may be -- were lacking in luxurious... ness."

"I will give them to the poor immediately, sir!"

Yes, that will do. The poor do not need to concern themselves with luxurious, because they are, after all, poor."

"Well put, Monsieur Devereaux."

"With that said, Philip, I will shortly be taking an exquisite dump. Is the toilet paper... exquisite?"

"It comes from the finest toilet paper artisan in all of France. Each square is individually wrapped in hand-crafted foil."

"Well, I shall put that to the test. You do understand, Philip, what will be necessary if the toilet paper isn't... exquisite?"

"I understand, Monsieur Devereaux. I will be forced to humbly  suck your cock."

"It is good we understand each other, Philip."

"Indeed, Monsieur Devereaux: indeed..."

I am Laslo.

http://althouse.blogspot.com/2016/01/fred-armisen-in-his-feminist-bookstore.html