"Huma, can you bring me my pain pills...?"
"Hillary, you're on your second bottle of Vodka this morning -- I don't think adding pain medication is a good idea."
"But it HURTS, Huma. It hurts so bad. Everyone is turning on me. Anonymous advisors, anonymous allies: they are all sticking knives in my back."
"It's because they believe you've lost your Ruthlessness and Cruelty. They don't fear you like they used to."
"I was GOOD at being Ruthless and Cruel, wasn't I, Huma?"
"You were the best, Hillary. And if you just cut back on the relentless drinking and washed the shit and urine from your hair you could show them how Ruthless and Cruel you still can be."
"I just don't know if I have it anymore, Huma. I'm being out-stamina'ed by a 74-year-old Jew. It's ALWAYS the Blacks and Jews, even after all I've done for them."
"Hillary, you know I am of Muslim heritage. I have told you before that Blacks and Jews are the very most ungrateful and lowest of people."
"Yes, you have told me that, Huma."
"And have I been wrong?"
"Huma, you know I hate the Blacks and the Jews, but there are not enough Gay people to elect me -- I HAVE to pander to them."
"I understand, Hillary."
"It's just that Bernie is pandering even MORE. It's like shiny objects: you can never give Those People enough Shiny Objects."
"That is why you need to be Ruthless and Cruel again: it is the only language they understand. Without Fear they will Fuck Up Everything."
"I know, Huma, I know... ...Huma?"
"Yes, Hillary?""
"Am I shitting myself again?"
"Yes you are, Hillary."
"How can I control a Country when I can't control my own Bowels?"
"Hillary, America doesn't care if you occasionally shit on yourself, as long as you Shit on the Right People, too..."
I am Laslo.
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