Tuesday, March 14, 2017

I WILL MAKE YOU EAT MY ASS BURRITO...!

Tales of a Real Republican….

You cannot become a lifelong Republican without learning certain things:

ONE: Don't let people shit in the Caviar. They're going to act like they were all invited inside The Club -- and they were NOT, we did NOT invite them -- and then they are going to sidle up to the table and they are going to drink our alcohol and they are going to shit in our Caviar. These are NOT REPUBLICANS...!

TWO: Never give an Inch. It is like fucking the Mexican busboy in the ass in the storage closet at The Club: go balls deep and STAY balls deep. DO NOT PULL OUT until YOU decide it is time to pull out. Then wipe your dick on his apron. Now he's marked: that makes him your BITCH...

THREE: When in Doubt, Demand Apologies. I did NOT fuck that Mexican busboy in the ass, and if I did, it was HIS misunderstanding. Apologize, Mexican Busboy! If you lie about this shit again I will fuck you in your sorry Mexican ass a Second Time! I WILL MAKE YOU EAT MY ASS BURRITO...!

FOUR: Become exquisitely versed on the usage of the TIME OUT. I'm like fucking Charles Bronson, bitches, and I'm going to Bronson a TIME OUT on all of your asses...! Charles Bronson wouldn't put up with your shit, and I won't either! Because I'm like Charles Fucking Bronson! I'm so Bronson I make Clint Eastwood look like a bent-over Mexican Busboy! That I fucked in the ass! BRONSON, BITCHES: BRONSON...!

FIVE: I'll get to Number Five later, you pussies: I'm a bit winded. Need to sit down for a moment. That fucking Mexican busboy BETTER NOT HAVE GIVEN ME A DICK DISEASE...



I am Laslo.


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