Maya, age 22.
Typical Tuesday night: my Service sends me to a politician's hotel room. Old white dude. Jewish, I think, so probably a Democrat, not that it matters -- they're all twenty-nine minutes of talk and a minute of fuck or suck, if they can actually get it up....
The guy welcomes me with some gag about Call Girls and texting, I wasn't paying attention -- I was checking out the room. A lot of these politicians like to try to hide a camera so they can film you fucking them; some even try to hide a camera in the bathroom: Ewwww....
“Uh… I’m Al,” he says, with a creepy grin.
"Sure: Al," I say, setting down my purse.
"I bet you saw me on the news today."
"Sorry. I don't watch the news anymore, since Jon Stewart quit."
"Jon Stewart? You know, I used to be on 'Saturday Night Live' back in the day. Some people say I was the 'Jon Stewart' of that time."
"Yeah. They say there probably wouldn't even have BEEN a Jon Stewart if not for me."
"Wow. Really. My Grandparents used to watch 'Saturday Night Live'. They say it was funny back then."
"It was. Because of me. I was an Important Part of the funny 'SNL'."
"Now I'm a Senator. I fight for the working people. Like you. You know, have you ever thought of joining a Union?"
"My profession doesn't need a Union. We have pimps."
"To-may-to, To-MAH-to," he says, laughing at his joke. If this is what passes for funny, then that old SNL must've sucked, too...
"Have you ever had an abortion?" he then asks. "Because I support 'Planned Parenthood'. I bet a lot of girls in your industry need the occasional abortion."
"Maybe," I say. What a Douchebag.
"You seem.... older than the girls they usually send me."
"Is that a problem?"
“Uh, no offense, but I asked for a ‘young girl’…"
“I get it,” I say. He wants Tabitha, the little blonde who looks like she’s twelve. ALL the old politicians want her. "Sorry. Our young girl is off work today. I don't know, maybe she's getting an abortion."
"Oh," he says, awkwardly staring at his feet. "Well, I hope the Father wasn't ME," he says, with a tight awkward chuckle. "That would've got a big laugh for me back when I was on the show. I was edgy that way."
"Yeah. I bet if she knew it was you she'd keep the baby."
"Really? You think so? She talks about me?"
"No," I laugh. "We only talk about the guys who couldn't get it up."
"Should I have the Service send a younger girl?"
"Uh, yeah: thanks. I'd appreciate that."
"Sure," I say, getting my purse. "You were on 'Saturday Night Live', right? My grandparents would get a kick out of that: what was your name?"
"Uhhh.... Chevy Chase..."
I am Laslo.