Sunday, March 12, 2017

Maybe she only fucks guys that look like David Schwimmer: THAT would be sad.

From the Fauxhaus Blog:

The willingness to trade one's own face -- one's own identity -- for that of another: one could write pages speculating on the psychological underpinnings of that particular desire. And don't get me wrong:  the world wouldn't be a worse place if there were more women around that looked like Ivanka. For men, that would mean an increase in the odds of being able to have sex with a woman who looked like Ivanka, if only by a slight mathematical uptick. Maybe a bit more if some of the women were hookers.

The real issue is: these women will never REALLY look like Ivanka. They MIGHT look vaguely like Ivanka, if Ivanka had been in a fistfight and suffered facial injuries and swelling. Unfortunately, many on the left would probably like to see Ivanka suffering facial injuries and swelling from a fistfight, because: politics. But this post is not about politics: it is about Identity. And Ivanka being Hot.

And Ivanka IS Hot. We will get further verification of this by the amount of strippers and porn stars who will adopt that name. You can see these Identity Issues in porn star's chosen names: the girls who choose 'Megan' because they think they kinda look like Megan Fox, the girls who choose 'Angelina' because they think they somewhat resemble Angelina Jolie, the Britneys and the Scarletts and the Chers. Okay: Cher might be a name for transgender porn stars, I don't know -- I don't watch that stuff.

Some choose the last name, the iconic Monroe being a good example. One woman even chose Jennifer Aniston's last name. Maybe she only fucks guys that look like David Schwimmer: THAT would be sad. 

The point is: none of these women really look like their namesake. They have taken the name by Identity, but their face has not cooperated. Perhaps they believe that the Suggestion they look like Jessica Alba might nudge people into believing they look like Jessica Alba, but that doesn't work: A wiener dog is a wiener dog, even if you call the Dachshund a German Shepard.

But we all play with Identity, even if we don't go to the extents of plastic surgery and name changes. It is how we dress, how we carry ourselves, our email screen-names. But, having spoken of porn star names, I would be remiss not to mention one of the best chosen names of the industry: Ash Hollywood.

How could you NOT want to fuck a "Ash Hollywood,' just on name value alone? AND she is Hot: not just what passes for 'hot' for most porn stars, but legitimately hot. I won't link to her, though: you'll have to take responsibility and Google her on your own.

But even Ash Hollywood plays with Identity: Girl Next Door, Glamorous Model -- she has even made herself up to look like Gwen Stefani, and it ain't a bad look.

Which leads us to a Poll:

Would you choose to resemble another person?

1. No. I am happy in my own skin.

2. I would just like to look like myself, but a little better. Like if I could be lightly Photoshopped in Real Life.

3. Only if I was actually born that way. No knives near my face, please: I saw "Un Chien Andalou."

4. I wouldn't mind looking like Ivanka.

5. I wouldn't mind looking like Ivanka, and I'm a guy.

6. What? I was busy masturbating to Ash Hollywood: what was the question?

I am Laslo.


  1. My poll response would, in my fantasy, be #2 if I hadn't heard about Un Chien Andalou while I was still a teen. In reality it's #7: I'd rather have photos of my face photoshopped, thanks. (BTW, I enjoy your posts, both humorous and serious, over on Althouse, where I lurk 90% of the time.)