Thursday, September 29, 2016

"That Ms. Ivers is a real handful. She drives a Suburu."

"Town Boy Cheats Death, Inadequate Barrier Blamed."

In the wake of the killing of a gorilla after a boy climbed into its zoo exhibit comes another story of children endangered by inadequate safety measures.

Local boy Terrance Ivers was enjoying a day with his mother at the Rutabaga Garden Patch, a cooperative farming area and park, when terror struck.

"I don't know what happened," the boy's mother Vera Ivers said. "I was just admiring a cucumber when I heard the screams."

Terrance had climbed over a small fence and fell into a patch of radishes.

"We put that fence there for a reason," Sal Carson, manager of the Rutabaga Garden Patch, said.

While surrounded by radishes the boy did not seem to be in imminent danger. That did not calm his mother, Ms. Ivers.

"He could've been killed!" she said, recounting the experience. "What if that enclosure held tigers or gorillas? They need to make the fence more sturdy."

After the initial confusion Mr. Carson stepped over the fence and retrieved the boy, who was not hurt in the incident.

"Need more sturdy fences?" Mr. Carson said, when told about Ms. Ivers' comment. "It's just to keep people from stepping on the dang radishes."

Ms. Ivers said she is considering suing the Rutabaga Garden Patch.

"I don't want to see anyone else's child face the same terror that my boy did.

"Sue me?" Mr. Carson said, when told of Ms. Ivers' comments. "She can take those d*mned organic cucumbers she buys and shove them up her a**."

Ms. Ellen Payne, who was there for the horrible scene, had this to add.

"That Ms. Ivers is a real handful. She drives a Suburu."

When asked what that had to do with the story, Ms. Payne smiled.

"Oh, we all know what she and her girlfriend do with those cucumbers."

I am The Replacement Laslo.

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