Socially Awkward Guy Who Makes No Eye Contact says:
One time when I was fourteen and wet the bed my Mother got real exasperated. She said I'd end up just like my Father, a real nothing.
I said that wasn't true: I was going to be better than nothing.
My mother replied: That's a lot harder than it sounds, son.
Sometimes I wonder if my Mother was right.
The last time I had sex was with a sixty-eight-year-old woman. I figured it was better than nothing, but it wasn't better: she was fat, like marbly fat, and she kept complaining about her hip the entire time. Then she started talking about her grandchildren and I lost my erection.
And because she is a neighbor, now I have to see her all the time: it's awkward. There is a young boy who brings her groceries, and I think they're going to fuck, and I can't help it, I get jealous, even though I want nothing to do with her.
When I think about this I am overcome with the urge to pee on a woman.
The woman I picture peeing on looks a lot like the girl at McDonalds with the blue hair.
Like no one else thinks these things.
I am Laslo.