Friday, November 11, 2016

"Sure," I say, nodding. "There's a perfectly fine girl there. Underneath the emotionally-comforting layers of fat."

Sketchy Guy Who Works at the Adult Bookstore says:
This sweaty young hipster comes into the Store, and asks if I have any 'films' of someone who looks like Lena Dunham getting fucked. He's hoping for anal, but will take whatever we got...
I tell him I don't know, he is free to peruse the 'Fat Chicks Fucking' aisle -- it's right under the sign that reads 'Fat Chicks Fucking'...
"She's not THAT fat," he says in an admonishing tone.
"Sure," I say, nodding. "There's a perfectly fine girl there. Underneath the emotionally-comforting layers of fat."
The customer turns on his heel and heads to the aforementioned 'Fat Chicks Fucking' section, and reviews the many 'films' available. I don't spend much time straightening the shelves of that aisle: I just alphabetize the 'A' section -- Anal, Ass, ATM -- at the front and let the customers sort out the rest. Maybe they would like it organized by ascending weight, I don't know...
So the hipster comes back, disappointed. "All those girls are FAT" he says, shaking his head. "Lena is only chubby."
"It's a fine line, I guess. But it looks like you found something."
"Yeah," he says, putting his 'film' on the counter for purchase. "This girl kinda looks like a chubby Natalie Portman," he says -- and she kinda does, if you replace the word 'chubby' with 'fat'...
I look at the cover, and tell him it looks like she does indeed do anal, but with a black guy: some people have a problem with that, I've found since working here.
"What does that matter?" he says, eyes narrowing. "I'm not a racist."
"I didn't say you were a racist. "I'm fine with black hairless balls bouncing off a fat Natalie Portman's chin. Just some people don't want the peas and carrots to touch."
"Can you just complete my purchase, please?"
"Sure," I say, ringing him up. "Do you want to be on our email newsletter? It'll let you know of any new 'Fat Chicks Fucking' items that come into the store."
"I told you, it's not about fat chicks fucking."
"That's right. Chubby is the word: got it. Well, enjoy your purchase," I say, as he leaves in a scrawny-ass huff...
Hipsters: they're going to ruin porn, I can tell...

I am Laslo.


  1. A thought that never would have entered my mind: