Sketchy Guy Who Works at the Adult Bookstore says:
eighty percent of the customers I deal with here at the Adult Book Store
smell horrible. Not 'I didn't get a chance to shower this morning' bad,
but agonizingly, astonishingly horrible...
Look, dudes: for a
start, if you are going to chronically masturbate please try changing
your underwear more than once a week. Splashing on cheap cologne doesn't
hide your stink: you now just smell like chronic masturbation and cheap
I have had to take money from hands still scaly with
encrusted semen; I have been given strangely oily coins. Do you know
what it's like to be handed a credit card and notice there is a pubic
hair stuck to the guy's thumb? There ain't enough Hand Sanitizer in the
world for this shit...
I have seen lube stains smeared on the
thighs of pants. I have seen semen stains, piss stains, shit stains --
sometimes all three on the same guy: and no doubt he'll come back in a
week wearing the same fucked-up pants. These guys have officially Given
Up, but they still want their porn...
Some are actually aware
of their stench: I had one guy tell me he smelled bad because his
asshole didn't work right anymore; another guy said it was because he
was allergic to soap. Most don't seem to notice, though: they have
become immune to the ravages of their own personal ecosystem...
I get home after a shift the first thing I do is take a LONG shower,
but sometimes that doesn't even feel like enough: it is like their smell
has invaded my pores, and no matter how hard I scrub I have been
tainted and the odors are incubating under my skin...
There is a reason why I tell customers the bathroom is Out of Order...
I am Laslo.