Friday, November 4, 2016

Then, in 2006, I told everybody that I was raped by Justin Timberlake. They were SO impressed!

Jenna, the Woman Who Falsely Claims Rape to Be Popular says:

I wasn't a popular girl when I was sixteen: boys ignored me and -- well -- girls ignored me, too. It was like I didn't even exist, which is a horrible feeling, and horrible feelings really make you feel horrible, they really, really do..

Then, in 2006, I told everybody that I was raped by Justin Timberlake. They were SO impressed! Of all the people in the world, Justin Timberlake raped ME! Boys looked at me differently, and a lot of the Cool Girls were SO jealous…!

And people were so impressed at how brave I was in handling it: I didn't act ashamed or nothing, Justin Timberlake did not take my Dignity! I even wore to school a shirt that said "I Was Raped By Justin Timberlake" and people would congratulate me on my Strength…!

I had to do an essay for my college admissions, so I wrote an essay called "How Justin Timberlake Raped Me and How I Remained a Strong Woman." My grades kinda sucked, but I was admitted into my first-choice school! I was pretty proud of that essay -- here's the first paragraph:

"In 2006 I went out walking alone one night, wondering just how I fit into the Universe. There is a lot of emotions in a young woman's mind when she feels she is about to take the next big step into adulthood. These were big adult emotions in my head, and I felt scared, yet also excited. Then a white limo drove past, slowed and invited me in. In the back was Justin Timberlake, and a big privileged white guy named Ed who held me down as Justin Timberlake forcibly removed my pants and panties…"

I have to to tell the truth here: when I had lied about Justin Timberlake raping me in the past I always made 'Ed' black: it just seemed like he would be, you know? But for the college essay I made him white to better show how privileged white males oppress women: I think the college liked that…

At college I instantly became popular as The Girl Justin Timberlake Raped -- it was amazing! Everyone wanted to hear my story over and over, and my Instructors were proud of my Example of not letting white-male-caused trauma ruin my sense of Female Identity as a Representative of the Oppressed. In fact, one Instructor let me not take my final exam because I told him testing brought back the Rape Experience -- I still got an 'A'…!

After awhile, though, people stopped asking about me being raped by Justin Timberlake, and the attention slowly ebbed away. The horrible feelings started to come back in my head: maybe I WAS only worthwhile if I was raped by Justin Timberlake…

Then, in 2007, I told people I was raped by one of the Red Hot Chili Peppers: everyone wanted to know which one! I kept it mysterious, but I made a point to cry whenever one of their songs came on…

I am Laslo.

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