Sketchy Guy Who Works at the Adult Bookstore says:
I'm at the counter when a guy with a bad comb-over comes up, acting all nervous. I know why he is nervous: he couldn't find what he is looking for, but he wants it bad, so now he has to ask me and -- in doing so -- expose his most debauched desires.
"Can I help you find something?" I ask.
"Um... I 'm looking for something... specific," he says.
"Aren't we all?"
"Yeah. Ha. Anyway, I 'm looking for a video where someone fucks someone who looks very specific."
"I gotcha. Young Blonde Cheerleader? Tattooed Emo Girl? Redhead Amputee?"
Wow. There is a first time for everything, even at the Adult Bookstore.
"Grandma Porn is in the back left," I say, after a brief shudder. "We got Grandma Anal, Grandma DP, Grandma with Black Men with Black Monster Cocks, Grandma Bukkake: it's all back there."
"Uh, I looked there, and none of the women on the covers look like Hillary Clinton."
"I am not all that surprised by that, sir."
"I REALLY want to see someone who looks like Hillary get fucked. Fucked hard. Anal, sloppy throat gagging, the works."
"We only got what we got, sir," I reply, before something comes into memory. "Here -- let me look for something..."
I return to the counter with a video, and hand it to the customer.
"Uh, this is Gay Transvestite Porn," the guy says, shaking his head.
"Yeah, but look at the title: 'He-llary, The Secretary of Cock." It's a transvestite that dresses like Hillary. Look at the wig."
"Yeah, check out the photos. I mean, he's a dude, but he DOES kinda look like Hillary."
"Well: kinda, maybe..."
"Yeah: look at this. It looks like in one scene he sucks a guy with a huge cock who's wearing an Obama mask, while another guy dressed like a Secret Service Agent in Dark Sunglasses fucks HIM in the ass. And an American flag is in the background: nice touch. A LOT of balls and cocks in this one, but he IS wearing a Hillary wig. I don't know: it's the best I got."
"I don't know, I'm not really into Gay Porn..."
"Yeah, I get a lot of straight men who say that. Right before they buy Gay Porn."
"I'll take it."
So I ring him up, and he leaves into the night, his shame trailing behind him....
Stranger things have happened to me here at the Book Store...
I am Laslo.