"Hey! What are you doing?"
"I am tailoring your suit for you, sir. When I am done it will be the most exquisite fit."
"Yeah, but you put your finger up my ass."
"Only in a professional way, sir, I assure you."
"I really don't think you putting your finger up my ass is going to make my suit fit any better."
"And that is where you would be wrong, sir. For a proper fit, everything radiates from the ass."
"i've been fitted for suits before -- expensive suits -- and I've never had anyone put there finger up my ass before."
"What can I say, sir? The suits may indeed have been expensive, but the tailors were obviously amateurs."
"This is making me uncomfortable..."
"Sir, your asshole controls your overall fit. The tightness at which you keep your asshole affects the fit of the pants to the clenching buttocks,and the resulting contraction of the stomach muscles defines your posture and thus the line of the shoulders of your suit."
"Okay, okay, but how much longer do you have to do that?"
"We're almost done. Now I am going to move the finger I have placed in your asshole through a series of calibration movements: please describe the resulting fit."
"Well, uh, it's tighter. now it's looser. Now it's tighter. Now it's looser. Now it's tighter. Now it's -- come on, can we just finish this up, please?"
"Just a moment and -- Done!"
"MY goodness! I thought you were some sick pervert, but this is the best-fitting suit I've ever worn!"
"Thank you, sir! And now, may I kindly request from you a stool sample."
"What? How does me giving you a bowel movement improve the fit of my suit?"
"Oh, sir: it doesn't. Tailoring clothing is my Job, but collecting stool samples from strange men: that is my Life."
Laslo would know where to go from here.
I am The Replacement Laslo.