Sunday, October 16, 2016

Remove the tissue box from the night stand. You know what I mean.

Emotionally rousing speech versus 14-point position: an example.

Emotionally Rousing Speech for Obtaining Sex.

"We're all sensitive people
With so much to give
Understand me, sugar
Since we've got to be here
Let's live
I love you

There's nothing wrong with me
Loving you, baby no no
And giving yourself to me can never be wrong
If the love is true, oh baby woo ooo

Don't you know how sweet and wonderful life can be woo ooo
I'm asking you baby to get it on with me, ooo ooo ooo
I ain't gonna worry
I ain't gonna push, I won't push you baby
So c'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon, baby
Stop beatin' 'round the bush, heyah

Let's get it on
Let's get it on
You know what I'm talkin' 'bout
C'mon, baby, hey hey
Let your love come out"

The 14-Point Position on Obtaining Sex.

1. Wash behind your ears.

2. Make sure and wash behind your balls.

3. Buy new underwear. What you consider clean underwear is not what a woman considers clean underwear.

4. Wear REAL shoes, even if your favorite sneakers cost over a hundred bucks.

5. Brush your teeth the way you do before going to the dentist, not the way you do when you're late for work.

6. Tuck in your shirt. Seriously.

7. Easy on the cologne, Tiger. And do NOT spritz your junk: this is why you washed behind your balls.

8. Make sure there are clean linens on the bed. NO SPORTS LOGO sheets, even if you really really love your college football team.

9. Remove the tissue box from the night stand. You know what I mean.

10. Clean under the bed. Who knows what incriminating crap you've left under there.

11. Air out the bedroom. Febreze and chronic masturbation just smells like Febreze and chronic masturbation

12. Put your cell phone on Mute. And NO TEXTING.

13. Find a girl you want to have sex with.

14. Play Marvin Gaye's "Let's Get It On"

I am Laslo.

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