Monday, October 17, 2016

"Woman-like: irrational. Melodramatic. Prone to hysteria."

"Doctor, did the surgery go well?"

"Ah yes. Your vagina has been successfully transformed into a penis, and I believe you will be quite pleased with the results."

"What?! I didn't want a penis! I was here to have a knee replacement."

"Oh, you're still disoriented from the anesthetic. Don't worry: it will all be fine."

"But I don't want a penis."

"The time for doubt is gone, I'm afraid."

"But I REALLY don't want a penis. I am happy to be a woman."

"ALL women want a penis, on some level. Freud, you know."

"Turn it back! Please!"

"I'm afraid we can't do that. Once you mash the potatoes you can't un-mash the potatoes. Your potatoes are mashed."

"But I'm a happily married woman. Married to a man."

"I'm sure your husband will still love you just the same. Mostly."

"This is horrible..."

"You should have thought about that before the surgery."

"But it was supposed to just be a knee replacement!"

"All kinds of unexpected things can occur during surgery. I'm still missing a pen from three years ago: I don't know which patient THAT fell into."

"My life is over."

"Actually, that was my previous patient. Died right on the table. Sad: she never got to wake up and enjoy the experience of having a penis. She would've considered you lucky, I imagine."

"I.m serious: I think I want to die."

"Don't be so melodramatic. You women: you can add a penis to you, but you still get all woman-like about things."

"What does THAT mean?"

"Woman-like: irrational. Melodramatic. Prone to hysteria. It's not your fault, of course: it's genetic."

"What am I going to tell my husband?"

"I'm a surgeon, not a psychiatrist. Can't help you there."

"I think I just want to be alone."

"Sure, I understand. Just don't start playing with the penis yet: we don't want it coming off in your hands..."

I am Laslo.

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