Thursday, October 27, 2016

"Uh… Baby want Rough Daddy Baby-Baby."

Dude With Seven Restraining Orders says:

So the Police show up at my place, and they question me about committing assault…

Who did I assault? I ask, and they give me the name of a girl I met at the bar a few nights back. I tell them that I had SEX with her, I didn't ASSAULT her. I had even asked her if she liked it rough, and she said she did. To be technical, here was our conversation, as far as I recall:

"Does baby like it rough?"

"I think so…?"

"No, you gotta say it."

"Say what?"

"Say 'Baby wants it rough, Daddy.'"


"Come on and say it: 'Baby wants it rough, Daddy: Baby wants it REAL rough."

"Uh… Baby want Rough Daddy Baby-Baby."

Which I thought was close enough, considering how tipsy she was.

Anyway, now her doctor says the teeth-marks I left on her buttocks are going to be a permanent scar, which I think is pretty cool, but she is all upset about it.

The Police tell me they do not have enough to arrest me, but that I better be very careful in the future. Careful? What am I supposed to do, get them to sign a paper saying it is okay if I bite their ass? Another signature stating it's okay when I push a pillow over her face? I tell you, this system is all kinds of fucked up…

And, yes, I did put a pubic hair on that one girl's Starbucks cup, but the person who says they saw me do it is lying...

I am Laslo.

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